The Modern Day Village
How the Historical Village Fits into Society Today
We’re seeing a massive shift in parenting perspectives. At the forefront of these conversations is the urgency and desire to get back to traditional families and spend as much time with our children as we can—for good reason. One of the main goals is to ensure our core values and influence as a family have more of an impact than outside sources.
We want the village that our grandmothers and great grandmothers may have experienced, where the stay-at-home-mom had a FULL support system and the mom didn’t do *literally* everything on her own.
Have you heard of the book The First Forty Days? As new mothers today are pressured to “bounce back” and praised for jumping back into the hustle as quickly as possible, this book offers an alternative. Where new moms actually get to rest. What?! I could confidently assume that most mothers would hear this and think…I cannot do that. There’s too much to do…I have zero time to rest.
What happened generations ago, and currently in other countries, new moms were surrounded by nearly every woman in her family for FORTY. DAYS. They weren’t there to hold the baby so she could sleep or get things done. They were there to take over ALL of her duties in the home so she could rest, recover, bond, nurture, nourish and ENJOY the unfolding of a new life and family member.
What happened? How did we get to this point? We are rushed and pressured and sometimes even guilted (or forced with no other choice) to get back to work. To hand our newborns off to a babysitter and life goes on…but now we’re running on fumes…and we’re just supposed to adjust.
Life gets really overwhelming really fast.
As much as we can hope and pray that we can return to those practices someday, the reality is that it will take generations to fix it. In the book Take Back Your Family by Jefferson Bethke, he draws out the historical timeline when multi-generational households were fractured. They all lived close to each other, if not on the same property. Families began to flourish economically and didn’t NEED the help from extended family members…so they took off on adventures. They excitedly dispersed across the country and the nuclear family became the norm. While this worked financially, it truly had a generational affect on the village. Nuclear families began outsourcing childcare and other things when both parents needed to work. And here we are.
Many families today are two-income households and don't live near extended family. Inflation has made it nearly impossible to live off of one income. So how do we start to shift back to a place where we have a tight-knit support system to help us lessen the load? Not just postpartum, but our entire lives! I wish the answer was black and white, but times are different. We have to adapt as society ebbs and flows. Finding that community is going to look different today—but we know how crucial community is—so let’s figure it out together!
I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve been blessed by a group of moms who are businesswomen or entrepreneurs that came together and bonded in an effort to reclaim their child’s education by joining a homeschool pod. We’ve become family. We’re all individually very different. We are all BUSY. Our significant others work their butts off alongside us and we all share a few common core values that have brought us closer:
God and family come first
A growth mindset and willingness to learn is crucial
Education should be individualized and strengths should be nurtured
Our children need to play outside…a lot
We take ownership of our health and wellness
Your village doesn’t have to be blood relatives. It’s a group of people coming together, offering time, resources, expertise, a shoulder to cry on, prayer, the list goes on. This doesn’t fall together by accident—it’s intentionally crafted and requires nurturing. However, I do believe that this group was divinely appointed. *Thank you, Jesus.* The families who proactively engage in conversation, offer support and build each other up are the people who foster deep and meaningful relationships. Emotional vulnerability, open mindedness and curiosity is a catalyst that brings people closer together faster than you can imagine.
We have a pod group chat and you wouldn’t believe how little the conversations are actually pod related…recipes, natural remedies (all the time), events, saving seats at church, finding homes for puppies, supporting each others businesses. It’s truly a family. It’s the village I didn’t even realize was possible. The amount of help that has been offered to me has truly lightened the load I feel as a mom—I hope and pray that every mom here who feels isolated will find this support.
Here’s a place to start if you’re looking for your village
First and foremost, BELIEVE that you will cross paths with people who align with your beliefs, and stay on your toes! Be able to recognize when this is happening right in front of your eyes.
What can you bring to the table? How can you offer your gifts and talents to serve others in your community?
Identify your core values as a family
Be willing to open up to people, share your struggles, ask questions!
Be a good listener, allow people to open up to you without judgement
Allow yourself to create personal boundaries, you don’t HAVE to go to every gathering you’re invited to :) we can’t do it all.
And last but not least, post to the feed and introduce yourself! Let everyone know where you’re located and what you hope to find here. I promise there’s so many people looking for community.
We may not fully return to the way villages used to be, and that's ok! We can make subtle shifts during this lifetime that will create a ripple effect for our kids, their kids, and make generational changes for the better—it starts with us!