Containing Chaos When it Matters Most
I can already feel the madness accumulating—mentally—as I look ahead into this season. We’re in the thick of back-to-school hustle, reorganizing our daily rhythms and adjusting to new schedules. And the craziness of holiday season is on the horizon…
With all the excitement on deck comes a bunch of planning, spending (blehh), and go-go-go…and yet, at the same time, for so many of us it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Cozy sweaters and warm drinks, quality time with loved ones and sweet traditions that bring pure joy to our families.
But MAN we take on a lot of pressure to pull this off without a hitch! We want it to be a memorable and enjoyable season, while still maintaining our normal day to day routines. It’s worth it to do this for our families, though, right?! There's nothing like watching them light up.
Here’s what I’m reminding myself before I get in too deep this year…
Don’t lose sight of what actually matters.
While outings and gifts and gatherings are a staple for our household, I get easily inspired and tend to gravitate toward all the extras...unnecessary extras if I'm being honest. The handcrafted gift tags, the perfectly decorated thanksgiving tablescape, the symphony of decor rotated for each holiday right on schedule—it really adds up quick. And, yes, those things can bring smiles and fulfillment…but is it at the expense of our peace?
This is where the snowball effect happens without us even realizing. I imagine our mental capacity and energy as a gas tank.
More fuel = more energy output available.
But we don’t have an infinite amount of fuel, so if we pour the energy we DO have into things that are out of alignment with our priorities, something’s gotta give...and it's probably going to be the things that are more important to us, but there's no energy left. For me? It’s my internal peace, my patience starts to dissolve, my stress grows—and that ultimately lands on my family.
Emotional chaos is contagious.
Even if we’re not verbally aggressive or snappy, we shift the atmosphere in our homes JUST with body language! Our children—no matter their age—can feel our stress…and then they MIRROR us.
So, here we are, trying to make things fun and memorable, and we’re just oozing stress onto the people we love—essentially creating the perfect storm for arguments, tension, emotional outbursts—the exact opposite of what we’re trying to accomplish.
This is what Psychology Today says about body language:
Body language is a silent orchestra, as people constantly give clues to what they’re thinking and feeling. Non-verbal messages including body movements, facial expressions, vocal tone and volume, and other signals are collectively known as body language.
Microexpressions (brief displays of emotion on the face), hand gestures, and posture all register in the human brain almost immediately—even when a person is not consciously aware they have perceived anything. For this reason, body language can strongly color how an individual is perceived, and how he or she, in turn, interprets others’ motivation, mood, and openness. It's natural to mirror; beginning as soon as infancy, a newborn moves its body to the rhythm of the voice he hears.
Knowing this information and also considering the fact that the most basic human need is connection, I’m going to take inventory of what I believe my capacity is. And doing that periodically is probably the best practice—I take on way too much way too often. It doesn’t just apply to holiday season—we are ALWAYS BUSY. I know you all can relate. We think to ourselves, "I can't wait until things finally slow down so I can take a breath!" ...But does it ever slow down? Not in my experience. If you've experienced your life slowing down...leave some tips in the comments because I have no clue how to accomplish this.
What our family needs is US. They need our presence, our undivided attention, our intentional eye contact, our guidance, and what's probably most overlooked—our peace of mind, so they can have some too.
Practical steps to conclude my rant 😆
Are all of the things on my to-do list necessities?
Are my priorities in order?
If I take on this task, will I be running on empty?
If I buy this, will my family remember it in 10 years? Will they care?
Am I taking any time to rest and refuel?
How am I reacting to things that get added to my plate?
We can’t avoid chaos—it will always show up in one area of our lives or another. But we can control the spread 😉 So the ultimate gauge is this—some things are out of our control and need to be handled, but how much chaos am I bringing on myself and where can I turn some of it away?